”
CARMEN
will be the HOTTEST character on
the L keyword
.”

“she actually is my personal dream lady.”

“She Actually Is

thus

hot.”

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”
Brittnay

you’re

a Carmen.”

“Yeah, completely.”

”
Zara
you aren’t a Carmen. You’re a
Jenny
.”

“Yeah, entirely. A

Jenny.

”

It was a scene at
Cubby Hole
not too long-ago. I happened to be hanging out the bar with
Stacy
, Lauren, Nika, Armine and a few additional
“Cubby Hoes”
on a Monday evening. Brittnay, the mega-babe-with-a-heart-of-gold had been bartending. She ended up being using a loose loose-fitting rocker t-shirt and her black colored hair was actually fastened into a top ponytail. She seemed casually beautiful as she slickly made every person cocktails. She appeared effortless.

Really

Carmen.

I, conversely, ended up being wearing a not-so-effortless prairie outfit. There’s nothing effortless about a prairie gown. A prairie dress contains the frustration of somewhat women’s birthday party gown.

Check me! View myself! We have large puffy sleeves and a smocked high throat and am long and loudly patterned! Provide me personally presents and shower me with attention! Wah!

Not simply ended up being I wearing a prairie dress, I found myself using eco-friendly tresses extensions I’d carefully positioned into tight french braids. I appeared as if I found myself caught in chronilogical age of a childhood upheaval. Which, I’m sure Im, but like, carry out we

truly

need (virtually) use that shit back at my case?

Do you know who

more

appears to be stuck in age numerous a youth stress?
Jenny Schecter:
The smoothness from L Word that lesbians everywhere just like to hate. Jenny is obviously in certain type of peter pan collared get-up that screams “i am
psychologically ill
!” from the rooftops, if you’re older than twelve.

I, too, gravitate toward peter pan collars. Sigh. Actually, the majority of my personal unhinged, sinful, challenging, slightly-psychotic-when-not-medicated-properly girlfriends perform besides. It is like dudes with little dicks just who drive loudly coloured sports vehicles to over-compensate for his or her little cocks. Mature women that wear peter cooking pan collars are trying to bedazzle on their own with the maximum amount of faux-innocence as is possible to create upwards due to their dark colored, tarnished souls.

I do want to be an awesome lady Carmen.

Carmen could be the opposite of
Jenny
, and that odd, brief moment they connected had been therefore paradoxical we feared the world would short-circuit. Like, if cool girl Carmen and insane woman Jenny hookup will the Indigo women come out because directly? Will Tegan & Sara start wearing long, shiny hair extensions? Will dykes trade-in their own U-Hauls for very long, acrylic nails? Prior to
Melissa Etheridge
collaborated with Brittney Spears, that event was actually interrupted by user
Shane
. That’s the different thing that really triggers me about Carmen. She was actually the only real lady in the arena that obtained the capability to tame the blasphemous Shane. And is also indeed there anything worldwide more validating than to be able to make a serial whore your own website and just yours? The Jennys worldwide can only just hook a Shane through extreme emotional control. The Carmens snag the Shanes by being hot. As well as the end of the afternoon, I’m just like almost every other standard bitch who owns several set of Ugg shoes — I just desire to be

hot.

And universally admired by all lesbians. So when I say all lesbians, i am talking about,

all

lesbians. Prim femme lesbians sweat bullets when in the realm of Carmen’s hotness. Butch lesbians will still be intensely masturbating over Carmen and it’s already been over a decade since she actually is enriched lesbian displays. Stylish lesbians dream of squatting alongside this lady within fitness center.
Lipstick lesbians
are desperate to understand what lip stick she wears. Chapstick lesbians desire to push their particular perfectly hydrated lip area over the woman perfectly hydrated epidermis. Security protect lesbians wanna shield this lady. Lesbian DJs believe they

are

her.

Being widely admired by all lesbians just isn’t an easy task to pull off. Lesbians tend to be a wickedly particular breed. “she is too…freckle-y personally.” “She wears trousers a lot of time, you are aware?” “Her energy isn’t

aggressive

enough for my situation.” “I really don’t like blondes, they remind me of my personal mommy. She is institutionalized.”

Severely, whenever you date alike gender that you are already, the style becomes really certain. Oahu is the best possible way to get rid of your self from dropping crazy about all of your current friends.

But Carmen consists of the what will universally damp the collective lesbian loins. She actually is a tomboy, who wears baggy trousers but still features long-hair (you are aware she doesn’t blow-dry. It really. Dries Out. Like. That). She drinks beer but nevertheless has actually visible abs. This lady has tattoos but when she smiles she however looks nice and very. She’s sex-appeal

and

good-girl appeal. She’s got views it isn’t usually crazy or overly psychological when someone challenges all of them.

She is your own cool straight lady best friend who is

therefore cool

, she is actually gay.

And I am very, significantly jealous. Because while We have extended dark colored locks and room eyes, no body actually ever phone calls me personally a Carmen. My deepest fantasy would be that someone someplace will call me a Carmen. It feels really at risk of confess that, but it is reality. All Needs is usually to be a woman just who will get up and goes to the gym even if she is hungover, like you know Carmen does because her ass is really so high it achieves the heavens and probably hangs with Jesus. I would like to be a woman that is accepted by stylish lesbians but lusted after by all of them. I do want to end up being the girl who are able to secure down the insane booze-swilling slut. But I will not be that lady. Because i am an excessive amount of a crazy booze-swilling whore, myself. And girls like Shane is able to see that in me and additionally they operate for all the slopes because they desire a stability I will not be capable of giving all of them.

I’m never ever a Carmen therefore I hate Carmen! I’m sure it is unfeminist to hate an other woman because she is prettier and cooler than you are going to previously end up being, but I can’t help it to.

As soon as we meet fellow Jennys call at worldwide, I quickly detest them too. I would be more likable basically had been the kind of lady exactly who took satisfaction in-being a Jenny and felt a kinship together with other Jennys. But I really don’t. When I satisfy different Jennys its like looking in mirror and I also hate what I see. But here is finished .: i can not repress my personal Jenny. She actually is a nut, but she’s effective, like the majority of crazy. The necessity to manically create every little thing down, that we appear great with bangs, the frantic fuel that radiates off my sight, the magnetized draw toward Peter Pan collars — it would possibly not included. And a Jenny could use Carmen garments nevertheless cause them to become hunt gothic and gruesomely perverted. A Jenny could go into the gymnasium non-stop every day nevertheless rage with unreasonable emotion.

Therefore, the only action to take is take the Jenny. If they state in the bar, “Carmen can be so hot.” I shall maybe not state stupid, transparently jealous crap like “I do not get precisely what the big issue is?” I need to will myself to not hate Brittnay if they say she actually is a Carmen, that’s sad because Brittnay is like slightly sibling in my opinion. A hot Carmen little aunt, and I also’m the woman whacked-out Jenny huge cousin, ingesting wine at plunge bar in a fucking prairie outfit.